Believe, Repeat, and Act
Rev. Dr Melinda Contreras-Byrd on warding off despair and regaining hope
A National Guard officer and a pedestrian pass the smashed window of a black-owned flower shop in riot-torn Newark, NJ, 15 July 1967. Source: AP
Long, hot summer
When I was a child, something terrifying happened.
No one in my city had ever seen anything like it before: tanks and White soldiers in the middle of our street, gun fire going off in the distance. People told stories of snipers shooting into people’s homes and killing them. Some began sleeping in their bathtubs, they were so frightened.
One night, my older sister and I snuck out of our house in the middle of the night and walked to the main street. Chaos was everywhere—yelling, glass breaking, people running through broken store windows and doors with arms full of stolen merchandise. By the next morning, our entire town was completely wrecked. Busses stopped running. There was no food in the grocery stores. Hospitals had to turn off their lights to avoid sniper bullets. In order to protect their community businesses from looters, Black store owners put up signs that read “soul brother,” while Latinx store owners marked their stores ”soul sister”.
The year was 1967, and this was the Newark Riots. Rioting had first broken out in Birmingham, then Harlem, Watts, Chicago, Tampa, Cincinnati, Atlanta, and, once the Newark riot ended, Detroit went up in smoke.
It felt as if the whole world was going crazy at once. I remember crying and thinking that life as I knew it had changed, and that nothing would ever be the same again.
Long, solitary spring
At present, this is a season of great turmoil, distress, fear, loneliness, depression, and panic. No one alive has ever been through a pandemic such as this! We are the creation of a relational Creator—and it is our nature to function at our best when we are together in a tribe, a clan, a group, a family. Social distancing now requires us to create a sense of community and unity in fresh ways. We are used to the feeling of physical freedom—we were born to investigate, to move about, to jump and to climb and to run. Quarantine now relegates us to our homes, where we must cope with this new experience of captivity.
The COVID-19 pandemic has forced upon us just the setting to foster all the emotions mentioned above and more, including despair: the complete loss or absence of hope.
Back in 1967—the same year as that long, hot summer—psychologist Martin Seligman developed an important theory called “learned helplessness,” based on experiments with dogs and rats. According to the study, circumstances that deprived the subjects of being able to accurately anticipate or control their environment, resulted in behavior that corresponds with that of a Major Depression.
Thankfully, we can think and reason beyond the abilities of dogs or rats in a lab. We are created to have free will. Despite the social distancing and quarantine imposed on us, we can regain hope from words and beliefs that reinforce a sense that there are some important things we can control and that, more importantly, there is a Higher Power (besides a scientist or the government) in control!
“best thing to do when I don’t know is to rehearse
what I do know”
Warding off despair, regaining hope
We were all born with the natural responses of fear and distress when faced with dangerous situations that could lead to loss or pain. But more than anything, we fear experiences that are new, unknown, or force us into situations in which we are out of our control. When we are out of control we do not have the answers.
I have learned that the best thing to do when I don’t know is to rehearse what I do know!
Rethink prayer
The scriptures teach us that responding to fear and anxiety with prayer is psychologically and spiritually healing. But not just any prayer is healing. While it is important to be honest enough to lament—to tell God just how you feel, to admit your fear and feelings of weakness and even sometime depression and helplessness---it is also important that we open ourselves to God so that our prayers can result in solutions, acceptance, solidified trust, and renewed hope. Be anxious for nothing, but pray about everything until you see the reasons to be thankful, and then God will send a sanctified peace that will keep your thoughts and desires on the right path (Phil 4:6-7, Contreras-Byrd translation).
Listen for God
Although many of us have been taught to pray in one direction, prayer is a two-way street. Instead of just offering one-way prayers to God--ones In which you say your part, say amen, and go your way—spend 15 minutes in silence before God. Work on becoming comfortable in the silence. Try to limit your mind from wandering. When you find yourself listing things that must be done—gently move it back to stillness. Sometimes imagining a peaceful nature scene or repeating a meaningful word will help you to focus. Choose to just be still and silent and listen. God will speak.
Reclaim your mind
We are created so that our minds, bodies, and spirits work together. When one part of self is off-balance, the whole self becomes unbalanced. . Because we were created with freedom of choice, we can choose to make correct choices, ones that will not lead to high anxiety, depression, and despair. The Bible tells us that we must exercise control over our minds when it comes to what we choose to believe, repeat, and act out in our lives. We are encouraged to focus our minds on those things that are true, honest, just, pure, lovely and good--news worth talking about. We are encouraged to focus our thoughts on the positives in a person or situation, and to find the legitimate reasons to give praise.
So, don’t allow yourself to be pulled down by hair-raising stories on social media. Don’t spend increased time in front of the TV or computer, reading everything about COVID-19, unless the title of the article suggests some new information that can be helpful—otherwise, move on. If a source begins to outline a conspiracy theory, with negative predictions of doom and gloom, move on.
Determine to stay in the present. Only listen to discussions about what is real, and happening now—not about what could happen in weeks or months. Interpret predictions and statements made by leaders and experts within the correct context, based on factual information and educated guesses.
Find and write down affirmative scriptures, and repeat them to yourself until the negative messaging begins to back up. Rehearse God’s goodness until it comes to mind automatically, naturally.
Summer after winter
It is spring of 2020, and now I know that summer of 1967 was not forever. It is yet another notable season in the turbulent history of the United States. To everything there is a season, and all seasons pass.
I don’t know what tomorrow might bring—but I do know that April showers bring May flowers. That I can repeat to myself, God is good, God is good...That God can see the future and has our best interest at heart.
Yes, weeping may endure for a night, but always, always, joy comes in the morning!
